Thursday, October 9th

Let's think outside the box...shall we?

So I, much like millions of others around the globe, have always been a fan of suicidegirls. My thought on this, however, is why has there not been a full figured version of this website created yet? If it has been please call me correct but I'm just throwing ideas out there or looking for an outlet.

You know how....

...you'll be at a bar and see people you may have slept with, made out with, dated, internet stalked, are friends with Facebook on and went to middle school with but never say hi to in public?

What about if you went to a bar as often and thought "there's the guy who raped me on my 24th birthday"!. Seeing this person makes my skin crawl but I can't defend myself against him ever because "it was my birthday and I was drunk". My other friends even told me so.

Human Emotion Controller

That tender moment when you realize, after a tumultuously extended amount of time, that you are finally ready to give a shit about someone else again. After so long of being damn sure that connecting with someone was at the bottom of your 1,000 to-do lists, what is it that turns this switch on in us? For me, I think it has something to do with the seasons changing.  ( And yes, I know as a Florida resident the topic of actual seasons seems asinine but there is something to be said about the few months a year when you are able to really cuddle up with someone without feeling like you are in a sauna.)

Las Vegas

1. As soon as the plane approached Las Vegas' McCarran airport, through the windows I saw these amazing mountains. The were unlike any I had ever seen before. So visible and huge and not surrounded by vegetation. Oranges, reds, grays, and whites instead of greens and browns. I was pretty much mesmerized by these giants my entire trip that I now must return to Vegas, rent a badass SUV, bring plenty of camping gear, go grocery shopping once arriving in Nevada, and then drive out to these beautiful figures and just camp and have a grand ol' time amongst the desert.

Isawyou Jacksonville =Desperately Seeking Susan Equivalent. :)

Like reading the Folio's weekly "I Saw You" section? If you've ever wanted to be a participant on either side of this situation you should add 'Isawyou Jacksonville' as a friend. Not only can you completely investigate interactions with people you never thought you'd be able to, but you can also reveal more about yourself than you were ever able to with the traditional I Saw You methods. Add Isawyou Jacksonville as a friend and realize the value of being able to express your emotions without the red tape and delayed connection time for your possible long-lost love's or booty calls. You know you want to. This could be a revolution people.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002302680476

Nothing is True.

You must go to this website and check this out. I am in love. If you enjoy making your own music, regardless the instrument or experience, you will have so much fun with this!

Nothing is True.

Be my friend...

if you aren't already, let's make it e-fficial. Facebook

Alright Jacksonville:

Four more months of school left and then I am coming for you. My goals are thus:

-Organize a volunteer group initiative for benefitting projects in the Jacksonville area:

-Build "umbrellas" for bus stops throughout downtown and riverside

-Organize more community gardens and possibly a daily downtown farmers market

-Make community boards so that people can post local events, rental opportunities, and the like. ( So we don't have to go to Starbucks for this type of information. )

-Help support other local initiatives and entrepreneurial motions around Jacksonville.

-Motivate all local public and private schools to become recyclers for not only the City of Jacksonville but possibly also in cahoots with TerraCycle.

-Park clean-up and renovations

-Provide opportunities for Jacksonville's youth ( i.e. build playgrounds, organize play days, encourage special events at recreational centers)

-Assist in improving the music scene in Jacksonville

We can do this! Who is with me?

Wow

54 views!? I am excited to the point where I promise to update later this evening. I have a ton to talk about.

For the cat-car-chase-lover in all of us.

Holy Fuck - Red Lights

This band is my new favorite.

California, stoner- girls. Playing some bad-ass music. They have appeal to pretty much every demographic. They can sing sweet melodies, rock out, and weird you out a little. They are also all gorgeous and seem somewhat open to different sexual orientations. Hah! Every song is different. Give Warpaint a little time and I am sure you will be listening to their songs on repeat very soon.

Wrote this around 6am the other night...

Anxiety unlimited,
Restrict the intent.
Remember how to implement,
That which puts you past content.

I'd like to represent the opposite
of the status quo. Although I know
at some point I am that which clicks
with the commodity corrale.

Oh how
to find the in
between
of seen
and not scene.

Have you ever realized....

..that you were the only person holding yourself back? Like out of nowhere a ton of bricks hits you with a note attached to them that reads " This is so much easier than you think. dummy." on it? I feel like these moments provide the rip current for the waves in my life. Those waves that make me remember once again that I am so much better than I lead myself to believe. Some may relate their phases to the moon, but I never pay attention to things like that. I would never be the type for a longitudinal study considering my lack for consideration of time. Even though it is also my main source of anxiety ( self-imposed, of course) .


I am slowly but surely realizing that my constant battle with procrastination stems from the fear of all the realisitic possibilities of the person I am. I mean, not always, but for the majority of my college career I have been able to progress with passing grades by doing work that was done in literally a considerably small fraction of the actual time that was actually provided to do something.

It is time for a change. The change where I realize that while I have many goals, realistically this whole college thing is the biggest investment I have made in my whole life so far. Therefore it really is where I should put all my cards. Not to mention... why not get smarter? That is something NO ONE can take from you. And for all you's out there thinking to yourself " I wants the smarts but ain't got no college." No worries. Libraries are pretty much the most amazing thing you'll ever experience. That is, if you give it the time to make it an experience. The internet is great and all, but what about real tangible words? Literally, words you can hold onto. There's not much better than that. I'm finding myself getting slightly turned on by terms such as " Periodicals, Leather-bound, and Non-Fiction."

Moving on.

sidenote: I am either officially crazy or I can currently feel a hair growing on my arm.

another sidenote: The real issue with sluts, isn't that they are sluts, it is that they have the ability to move and spread their slut. Does "fresh start" = virginity?

last sidenote:I don't have time in my day to worry about who walks first when trying to solve a maze of people.


End Transcript.

Best Coast - I Want To

The Ramones - Blitzkrieg Bop

On any given Monday dusk....

I passed a woman today, on my way to Walgreens, who was watering her lawn. I waved considering she is my couple-houses-down-neighbor and at first she glanced back with a confused look on her face. Then, while I continued head-bobbing and grinning as I turned the corner I looked back to her, looking at me, smiling. It was awesome.



That is all. Today = court + no points - fines - monthly visits + no class(+/ - ) LOTS OF FRICKIN' SCHOOL WORK!

Tomorrow or late this evening I will entertain more.

The makings of me.

After a sincerely interesting conversation with a friend last night, I immediately thought about what I wanted to write about for my first blog entry ever. The conversation being had was concerning each other's family past. At least, the past we have experienced. The thought in my mind that kept creeping up however, was the past we didn't know about. That we will never know. The past of our past. What our grandparents experienced, where they thought their lives would lead, if they could even fathom that nowadays I would be the direct link to their futures.

The unfortunate part about this is that without investing some sort of money into research, you must rely on regurgitated facts from your family members to find anything out about the people responsible for you that you never knew. Normally this wouldn't be so bad, but you don't come from my family. Considering my own unfortunate memory abilities, I have never expected much from that of my family members memory's either. Not to mention bloodlines of booze and other sorts of chemical dependencies don't make for a compatible algorithm for calculating family history. Nevertheless, once and a while you get surprised by someones convincing story telling skills.

Throughout my entire life, the one story I will always remember about my ancestry came from my Great Uncle on my father's side. Since that side of the family is of Native American descent I can assure you this story will not intend to life your spirits. ( I did not mean for a pun right there, but it happened, enjoy it. ) The story is as follows:

Apparently My Great Great Grandfather was a Native American slave owner. A nasty old white man with money. At the good ol' slave trade one day he came across my Great Great Grandmother. Assumingly strong and beautiful, he saw many opportunities to be had with her. Upon purchase and once transported back to his home, he explained to his new purchase that her job was to do nothing more than whatever he asked her. Those demands included multiple child bearings, maintaining the house, and putting up with tons of abuse. Now don't forget, she was a slave. This gave my Great Great Grandfather the inclination for his ultimate punishment to my Great Great Grandmother. Due to fear of her trying to escape the miserable existence she had been purchased for, the decision was made that to keep her around there was only one solution: Slit both of her Achilles tendons. Therefore she suffered through giving birth, raising those children, and maintaining a home for an abusive husband all while not being to barely walk. This woman is one of the key reasons I am alive today and I will never even know her name because she was traded without any paperwork and was probably given some awful name like "Beth Anne" from my model-citizen Great Great Grandfather.


That's the type of stuff you hear from a book, not what you're expecting your Great Uncle to tell you over a bowl and good conversation. If he only knew what hearing that story did to my life.

This blog and all the changes I want to make happen in my life are all in her honor. I'll hopefully never have to deal with the kind of adversity she experienced, but if it weren't for her doing so, I wouldn't be able to type this right now. Through her slavery I have been freed, and I refuse to let the fear of chains ever stop me.